That's intense
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
