you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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