Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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