You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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