is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
