I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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