dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found the puke drawer
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
