Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Do vagina's smell?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
