ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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