did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
