what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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