talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
