Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
