Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
