If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
