This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
