Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
