Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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