that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize