Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
