He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
