She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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