Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
