I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
