Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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