I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
