His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
