i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
