So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize