I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
