I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
