woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
