I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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