Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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