I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
