WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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