god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
