Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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