My nipple is on Facebook.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...