Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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