Someone shit on the floor
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
