You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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