so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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