Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
