I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
