I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
