The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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