how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
