I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
