i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
