So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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