So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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