I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
