I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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