They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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