how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
