I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
