Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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