my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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