I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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