somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
