I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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