Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Holy sore nipples Batman
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
