Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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