i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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