Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
