What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
