More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
