Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
