that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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