He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
