end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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