Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
